I should be studying for the eight exams I have coming up in the next month, the first one on Thursday, but I can’t study anymore. I feel like my brain is full. I’m hoping that maybe if I get some of what is weighing on my heart out there, I can get better studying done.
I put a lot into the “about” page, so read that if you want to know where I’ve been and where I’m going. This post is about where I am today.
Where am I today? I’m deathly afraid of the exams I have coming up and the fact that there are eight of them. 8. EIGHT.
But I’m super excited that after I finish the first one, we go to Scotland for a week to sing Sacred Harp (learn more at http://corksacredharp.com/) for the weekend and then do a three day tour and come home.
Of course taking a week off when I should be studying makes me even more afraid of the other seven exams that are coming after that week off.
I’m also loving living in Ireland, the people, the green, the city of Cork, it’s been a wonderful 10 months and I’m sad that it will end in less than two months (to read about our Ireland adventures, see cork2cork.com).
But I also can’t wait for the next two months to fly by so I can start the next phase of trying to start a family.
But I’m so scared to fail again at staying pregnant. I know it’s not my fault, logically, but I still feel guilty, like I failed them, like there was something I could have done and they would have lived. My Josh, my Linny, my Stacia.
Where do I go from here? Back to studying.