Feeling better today

I feel better today, a little less sad and mopey. Not at all excited about studying rheology and polysaccharides, but feeling better about being me.

I’m spending my study breaks researching adoption agency options in case we decide not to go with the county after we go to the informational meeting. There seem to be a ton of agencies, but many will have requirements I don’t meet.

I found one that required an application and $50 fee before you could attend their informational meeting and one of the questions on the application is “Why did Jesus have to die on the cross? Husband____ Wife____” Nope, sorry, not the agency for us. I might write about my relationship with God someday but right now it’s still pretty raw.

There’s one that looks good that does infant or waiting children adoptions, whose informational meeting is free, so we might go to that one too. We’re leaning towards waiting children, but haven’t decided 100% yet. I’m not even sure I can articulate why. Maybe it’s because I want 2-3 children and don’t want to go through the rigmarole extra times. Maybe it’s because I’m more scared of a birth mother pulling out after we take custody than I am of dealing with the trauma waiting kids may have faced. Now my depression is like those are stupid and selfish reasons and you don’t deserve a child at all. But I know it lies.

I also found several more for sale houses that I really like. I’m getting more excited about going back to Minnesota with what’s waiting for us there. But I’m still sad to be leaving Ireland in just a month’s time. We’ll be back for the Sacred Harp Convention in March though, so that will be good, we won’t be gone for long.


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