I went missing for a few months because I didn’t know what to say. I started several posts, but the words wouldn’t come to me and everything I typed just sounded stupid.
I did pass all my exams, and I graduated in October. I wasn’t there because we moved back to Minnesota in September. I started a new job in November. I love it, but it doesn’t take my mind off the pain. Nothing does. I get very few days lately that I don’t cry.
November 23rd was the two year anniversary of losing Anastasia. Then December 7th was the three year anniversary of losing Caroline.
I really want a baby. Not just any baby, I want Caroline back. I don’t know why I miss her the most, why it hurts the most that she’s gone, but I do and it does. She should be 28 months old. I shouldn’t be alone and crying right now, I should be exhausted from chasing a toddler around all day and thanking goodness that she’s finally asleep.
I just read a really great article about sharing pregnancy news during the first trimester that I want to share:
I feel the same way. The pressure not to announce a pregnancy until the first trimester is over so that you don’t have to share the news of a miscarriage leaves us all alone with a dead baby we aren’t supposed to tell anyone about. I refuse to live that way. It’s lonely and terrible.