I very much wish that when fertile people tell infertile people or people who’ve suffered multiple miscarriages about accidental pregnancies that the could cushion the blow. Because it is a blow. And it takes a while to get over even when cushioned. It takes even longer to get over if the news is given in an uncaring flippant way.
So, after yesterday’s post my husband’s cousin ( sister of the pregnant one) asked me how I was. I told her the truth. I said I was not OK with the news, I was really not OK with the way I was told. That the addition of the “Guess the birth control didn’t work” was completely unnecessary and hurtful. I got emotional and went overboard with it and said that it was totally unfair that the married and financially stable couple was not the one that got the baby.
At dinner, I went into the bathroom to wash my hands and she and her mother were in there and basically attacked me about needing to support her and celebrate this. I said it was going to be a LONG time before I could do that. After her mother left and I started crying, we had a talk and she claimed that she meant to tell me for the last week that she’s been here, but cared so much she didn’t know how and it just came out the way it did when her mom got to Ireland. Well, I still cried for the next three hours. It has tainted my favorite restaurant. I went to bed at 10:30 and didn’t get up until after 10 this morning to avoid them. I only got up because I was hungry.
I just want them out of my house. I can’t stand the sight of them right now. I don’t know when I’ll be able to, but it’s definitely not going to be later today. They’ve gone out to breakfast and to tour the city with my husband and I stayed back to study. At least I have a good excuse not to go anywhere with them.
Basically, I’m in a lot of pain right now, I can’t think of anything but the anger and dead babies. I need to be studying.